


Never Thought You Would Fall So Far

by orphan_account



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Demons, Drugs, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gore, Hazbin Hotel shenanigans, Hell, Humor, I hope, Mentions of Sex, Might Add More Tags In The Future, Reader Insert, Romance, She/her pronouns, Slow Burn, Swearing, Violence, everything the show has and is, gonna be a romance in there somewhere, idk where I'm going with this, rated for violence and language, trying to be canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21546964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Waking up in a place that reeks of dead bodies is probably not the most enjoyable way to start a day. But what makes it even worse is that you don’t know how you ended up there.“There” being hell and “don’t know how” meaning you couldn’t remember committing something so devastating that would give reasons to not living a peaceful (after-)life in heaven.To be honest … you couldn’t remember anything.- - Discontinued and Orphaned - -
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader, Alastor/reader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 211





	1. Unbearable

The air was heavy and hot. Oh, so unbearably hot. Like thousands of fireplaces where ignited at once around you. Or were you standing inside one? It sure felt like it, except your skin was sticky because of your sweat and not dry and burned. But from somewhere else it smelled like burned skin. Burned skin and hair and blood. You began to panic. Where were you? Why did you smell blood? You couldn't remember where you are or could have been to end up somewhere were it reeked of old, dead bodies. You wanted to open your eyes but your body refused. Even just lifting your small finger was impossible. Your muscles screamed at you to stop trying to wake up. Your body begged you to just stay on the ground you somehow ended up on. Why did your back hurt so much? Why did everything hurt so much? Why couldn't you remember a thing?

_"_ _Hello?!"_ you yelled into the void of your thoughts, unable to open your mouth to form real words. The only thing you achieved was parting your lips just enough to taste the blood on them making you panic even more. You were bleeding. You were injured!

_"_ _Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."_

You tensed up, dug your fingernails in the surprisingly soft ground. If you really were hurt you would have to wake up immediately. You have to stand up and run from the danger that is most probably surrounding you right now. But your eyes just wouldn't open! Angrily you squeezed your hands into fists. At least your muscles responded again. A wave of relief washed over you but vanished as fast as it appeared. Were that ... voices? And once again panic crashed over you.

"Hey, I think she is waking up."

"You sure? She looks pretty dead to me."

"No, look! Her hands moved."

"Oh my, she's alive!"

You didn't dare breathing. Those voices didn't seem familiar at all, even though one of them sounded rather soft and worried. Maybe that person knew you after all? But the second voice was such a contrast, so full of sarcasm and coldness directed at you. You didn't know someone who would feel that way about you, or ... were you mistaking? You searched your head for answer but there was nothing to find. Just the emptiness that is stretching its black limbs towards you and holds you down. Silencing your attempts to break free like it's hushing your sounds to scream. Screams for help, screams for the first voice to help you but you were so exhausted. Oh, so exhausted. The emptiness is spinning around you, taunting you and singing you to sleep. Just to escape your thoughts and panic. Just to escape this situation you found yourself in. Only for a minute or maybe even forever.

_"Just sleep."_

_________________________________

The next time you regained consciousness you could open your eyes right away. You could see that you were lying in a small room full of the colors black, red and some pinker tones. The bed you ended up on was soft and warm, nursing your sore wounds and muscles. You pushed the blanket of you, realizing happily that your body responded again but still being confused how you ended up where ever you are. Sitting up on the side of the bed you paused and looked down on you. You were wearing a white dress. At least you suspected it once was white since now it mostly shows the crimson color of blood, your blood. It was tightly sticking to your body and had the ferrous smell that found its way into your nose making you gag. Your head began to scream at you once more that you were in danger. Wanting to escape you jumped on your feet which wanted to buckle out under you but you could grab the dresser next to the door in time to hold yourself up. Breathing heavily you didn't let your body recover from the fast motion and tore the door open with so much force that it crashed against the wall. Not caring if you damaged something you began your unsteady way towards the stairs. The only thing you could think about was to run.

_"Run. Run. Run",_ yelled the voice in your head, making you even more dizzy and paranoid.

The steps of the stair were difficult to manage but you almost reached the end of it before slipping and tumbling down the last few. A sharp yell escape your mouth, burning your already sore throat even more. Your throat felt like you had screamed for hours.

_"Can't remember..."_

You landed on your face, not able to catch yourself since your arms hurt as much as everything else of your body. You turned your head slightly so you could see one of your arms as you were lying on the ground, again, unable to push yourself up. The sleeve of your dress was torn, exposing the lower half of your right arm which was littered with small scars and scratches. You could feel that it wasn't just your one arm that was covered in wounds. How? Who had injured you so badly?

_"Can't remember..."_

Slowly some tears formed themselves in the corners of your eyes and dripped down. Your throat closed as you began to hiccup. Desperately you tried to breathe in deeper but you only managed some shallow ones which made you panic even more. You did not hear the footsteps approaching your weak form. You did not hear the voices that spoke in shock as they found you. Only when someone touched and turned you around you realized you weren't alone anymore. Trying to make out who was there through the waterfall of tears was almost impossible especially after you were laid on your back. The second it touched the ground a huge wave of pain crashed over you and made you scream. Black dots filled your vision, blinding you but not knocking you unconscious. The voices began to scream now frantically too, talking loudly to one and another not knowing what to do. All while you were squirming on the floor with your eyes tightly shut, unable to do something else since the pain seemed to numb your muscles once more. You felt like a fish on dry land, helpless and at mercy of the men who pulled you out of the water. You just wanted the pain to end, not caring how. The voices should just end your suffering. Or were they entertain by it? Were they the reason for your injuries? Were they the fishermen who pulled you out of your life? Were they the ones who cut your fins, so when they would be bored of you they could just toss you over the railing and watch you die in your own home? But you weren't home. And the pain wouldn't stop even if you were in your house, however it might look like since you couldn't remember.

Your chest felt so tight, your lungs contracted, desperately trying to suck in more air. Your throat was dry and bloody from all your screaming but you just couldn't stop. The screaming made the pain more bearable. And then the pain was suddenly gone and your screams fell silent. You still couldn't see even now that you opened your eyes again. They blankly starred into some corner of the room, your brain could not process what laid in your field of vision. Shallow breaths escaped your quivering lips and some hiccups too. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, trying to suck in as much air as possible now that you were no longer shouting. But somehow you felt as if you had less air in you now than before.

You limply leaned against someone's chest, your arms and legs dangling loosely to the ground while your vision slowly cleared. You still couldn't see well because of the tears streaming down your cheeks but your view was no longer all black at least. Cold hands hold you against the chest so you wouldn't fall, as the person began to walk towards- wait. Your body immediately tensed up. You were lying in someone's arms! The muscles in your body twitched as you curved your back to try to get away from whoever was carrying you. A crackling sound filled your ears as you pushed your hands against the chest that vibrated as if the person was chuckling. Then you couldn't feel the body anymore as you fell. A surprised and anxious scream escape your mouth once more as you landed on a rather soft sofa. For as second the pain was there again but vanished soon as you found yourself half-lying half-sitting on the couch. The tears had stopped spilling out of your eyes as you looked at the voices around you. Only that they were no longer just voices but demonic looking creatures who blinked at you bewildered.

A girl took a step forward and raised her hand as if to greet you. "Ehm … Hey," said the blond girl and grinned uncertain, revealing sharp, white teeth.

You felt like fainting again right then and there.


	2. First Encounter

You couldn't tear your eyes away from the group of demonic creatures before you. That wasn't... it could not be real. You had to be dreaming the most terrifying nightmare you could remember. Not that you were able to remember any past ones. But to say you were scared to death would have been an understatement.  
There was heavy silence in the air between the creatures and yourself as you carefully watched them. The girl with the sharp teeth who greeted you was still the closest to you. Her blond, slightly wavy hair reached to her lower back and surrounded her like a warm aura. She wore black dress pants and a white buttoned up shirt with black suspenders and a matching tie making her seem not that demonic in comparison to the other ones in the room as far as you could tell from your first glance around. But her teeth just... made you anxious. You looked at the rest of them, only to realize that most of them had sharper teeth then her. This had to be a joke. 

"Alright, the screaming stopped and the girly is found. I'm gonna head back to the bar now. I left my booze there..." said a humanoid cat with crimson wings. He grumbled something incomprehensive as he walked away but not before throwing a last irritated glance at your trembling frame. Confused you followed his form until he disappeared into another room. You let your gaze fall on the other monstrous creatures again only to be confronted with a ball of bright pink and yellow. One single eye starred right at you. It was so close to your face that you could see yourself in it. For a brief second your heart stopped beating as you stared at the little creature before you. She wore a puffy dress and seemed to only reach your hips with her height. Her mouth was stretched into a large grin as she inspected you revealing -who would have thought- sharp teeth. Not daring to move or even breathe you just stayed perfectly still on the sofa you were sitting on. Maybe she would go away if you stayed like that forever?

"Hey, my name's Niffty!“ spoke the demonic creature with a cheerful tone. Her eye traveled over you face, examined your features while still leaving only a small gap between the two of you. Your heart began to beat again but now fluttered painfully in fear. Nausea made your stomach flinch as the little monster pinched the skin on your cheek.  
"Your skin is so soft!" squeaked Niffty excited.  
Your fingers buried themselves into the soft cushions of the couch. Not wanting to throw up you tried to see the positive aspect of Niffty's statement: At least you did not have any wounds on your face. That was good, right?  
You opened your mouth to try to answer her, to maybe even thank her even though you did not feel complimented at all. But the only sound you were able to produce was a strange gargling noise. Alarmed you clasped one hand around your throat and held the other one before your mouth as you coughed. Niffty took a step back, finally giving you more space. Her worried expression lingered on you for a few seconds before shifting to the beings behind her who did not know what to do either.  
The coughing made your sore throat hurt even more, you were sure that you could taste blood in your mouth. Suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder, squeezing lightly as if to comfort you. When you dared to look up you saw the blond girl with the not so sharp teeth in comparison to everyone else's standing before you. She smiled at you sympathetically. 

"You don't have to worry. I won't hurt you," said the girl to try to reassure you. You didn't know why but you believed her. Her trusting and compassionate aura did not allow anything else. She seemed to radiate a sense of calm that lulled you into having faith in what she promised. Although she did not seem confident at all while speaking those words. The coughs that shook your body died down finally, allowing you to take some deep breaths. The girl stood still beside you and gently stroke your back.  
"You feel ... better now?" the blonde girl asked and took a step back to give you some privacy. You were grateful for that. Wanting to answer her but not be caught in another fit of coughing you decided to just give her a brief nod. She seemed perfectly happy and satisfied with it.  
"I know you are very confused right know and maybe even frightened..." the girl began again but paused to look back at the others for a moment only to direct her gaze back to you almost immediately. "But there are a few things you might want to know. Soo, you probably won't recognize this place here or us and that's because... you are in hell," she dragged out the last syllable nervously and then studied your reactions. You couldn't even manage to tense up, already too exhausted from all what happened before. With a blank face you starred at the demons in front of you. Real demons from hell. Hell, your current location. You could not believe it even though the blonde girl’s aura was as sincere as before. Your chest vibrated slightly whilst some rough and throaty chuckles escaped out of your mouth. One hand pressed against your forehead while the other one twitched as you grabbed the deep red and sticky fabric of your dress with it.  
"Now she's lost it," snarled a familiar voice. It was the sarcastic sounding one before you passed out... again? You couldn't tell how many times it might have happened before since you could not remember. But what you could remember was that this voice was the second voice you had heard before. And now you realized that the blond girl was the first voice. How did you not notice it before? Still chuckling you looked at the second voice. What you did not expect was to see a spider in a pink tuxedo. One pair of arms pressed against -his? her?- its hips and another crossed before its chest it watched you with a cold glance. Your situation became even more surreal with each second that passed. You were in hell trapped in a room with some demons and a spider. Shaking your head you let yourself fall back into the cushions of the sofa. Slowly your chuckles fell silent and were replaced with some quiet tears that ran down your cheeks again. You could hear the demons talk in hushed voices but you weren't able to understand what they talked about. And you didn't really care. You just felt empty now. You couldn't be in hell, could you? What did you do to end up in hell? You could not remember. You couldn't remember anything. How was that possible? 

"I'm ... really in hell?"

Your voice sounded raspy, like an old vinyl record that was played a hundred times to often. The demons paused and turned towards your sunken form. They weren't expecting to hear you talk after the coughing fit you had only a few minutes before. You were surprised yourself. The spider opened its mouth but fell silent as another demon -a girl with bright white hair and an X over her left eye- threw daggers at it with her not covered eye. The blond girl answered you with an unsure nod. You also nodded out of reflex and to reassure yourself.  
"Are you okay?" the girl asked once more with a soft and caring voice. You shook your head. No. Your throat closed as you struggled to breath. You weren't at all okay. But you swallowed the panic that tried to rise again because you did not want to cry again. Your eyes were glued to the creatures before you.  
"So, that makes you real demons?" you asked. You still could not believe it but the blond girl nodded again.  
"Yeah, we are. I'm Charlie. You know Niffty already, Husk is the one who left earlier and these are Vaggie-" she pointed to the white haired girl who gave you a short-lived smile.  
"Angel Dust" she pointed at the spider who puffed out its chest and waved at you with flirty wink.  
"And this is-" Charlie nodded to the last demon in the room but got interrupted by him.  
"Alastor, my dear", a red and tall demon said with a morbid smile that stretched from one cheek to the other. In a blink of an eye he stood before you and shook your hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you!" he almost shouted with a weird glitchy undertone to it. It sounded like static? Unsure of what to do you just returned his smile nervously and starred at his sharp, yellow teeth. You could not see your smile but you were sure it looked as forced as it felt.  
"Nice to meet you too?" you answered him timidly and scared but it sounded more like a question.  
Your eyes drifted away from the red demon towering over you. The white haired girl, Vaggie, looked at you with worry in her eyes before directing a furious glare at the demon in front of you. Vaggie made a step forward but was hold back by Charlie. She had stretched out an arm and shook her head cautiously. Her mouth moved but you could not make out what she said.  
Suddenly you were pulled up from the sofa by Alastor who still had a tight grip on your hand. On wobbly legs you tried to steady yourself and not fall face forward to the floor. Your muscles ached and muttered disapproving by sending a wave of pain over you. You winced loud enough for the tall demon to hear but he seemed to choose to ignore it.  
"Well darling, since you met us all now maybe you should go and clean yourself up. Your dress seems to have a few bloodstains."  
It was strange but you could have sworn that you heard chuckling from an invisible audience. You raised one brow at Alastor and then looked down. ‘A few bloodstains’ was a very optimistic way of phrasing it ... your dress was dyed red from the blood you hoped didn't belong to you. But you did not want to have the blood from some poor soul on you either.  
You looked up and nodded in agreement. You wanted to get out of this dress as fast as possible.  
"I will help you," Charlie said and took your other hand. She began walking towards the staircase before you could ask Alastor to let go of you but he seemed to have left already since you could see him standing next to Niffty who jumped and shouted in excitement. Strange, you did not notice him letting go of you or walking away. As you were dragged to the stairs by Charlie you turned around slightly to observe the demons standing in the middle of the huge room and talking in a hushed tone.  
The last thing you saw before rounding the corner of the staircase was the big grin of Alastor who turned his neck almost completely around to look at you.  
A cold shiver ran down your spin as the image of him burned itself into your head.


	3. Wounds

Dead looking eyes starred at you with no sign of life in them. Their color was dull and lacked any shine they might have had in the past. The skin next to them had a sick undertone and the short and dirty hair on top of the head was chaotic and seemed to not be cut intentionally. Some strands reached only to the ears others almost had a chin length. Especially the strands in the back were shorter than the ones in the front. Deeply shocked you gaped at yourself in the mirror of the small bathroom that was part of the room you woke up in earlier. That could not be your reflection in the mirror. It just couldn't be. Your eyes drifted to the collar of your dress. Some very noticeable black streaks climbed up your neck. Carefully you stroke over the black markings. They weren't rough, they were as soft as the rest of your skin. But the markings looked like ash, as if something had burned itself into your skin and left only the black outline behind because there was no burned wound or scar.

"I'm back."

Caught off guard you flinched and let out a surprised squeak. Turning around you found Charlie standing in the door with some new clothes in her hands. She looked at you with an apologetic expression.  
"I've brought some pants and a new shirt. I hope they fit you," she said with a sympathetic smile as she gave you the clothes: Some simple black pants and a red long-sleeved shirt.  
"I'm waiting outside. Call me if you need anything."  
Charlie closed the bathroom door behind her, left you alone with your terrifying reflection that looked at you with sad and tired eyes. What surprised you the most was that you still looked very human. You had no sharp teeth, no claws on your fingers, no unnatural number of eyes or any animalistic characteristics. Would you change over time? The longer you would be stuck in hell the more demonic your appearance might become. Maybe you wouldn't even notice the changes if they were slowly growing. Or you would wake up someday and look completely different. Would you even change? Until now you only saw demons that also had a demonic appearance for the most part. Charlie still looked very human, too. Expect for her teeth and red markings on her cheeks.

Shaking your head to get rid of those bothering thoughts you turned away from your reflection and took your bloody red dress off. Not caring since it was unfixable anyways you tossed it on the floor. You grabbed the shirt but paused. Out of the corner of your eyes you saw something in the mirror. Without a second thought you turned back to face yourself in it and froze. The red shirt fell to the ground but you didn't even notice. You didn't even notice the scream that escape your mouth or the door that was swung open as Charlie ran into the bathroom. She seemed to be frozen too as she looked at you.  
"Oh my..." she breathed shocked and hold her hand over her mouth.  
Your eyes were glued to your body in the mirror, glued to the wounds all over you. White lines -old scars- and new, red ones littered your stomach, arms, legs, everything. But what terrified you the most were the words carved into your skin.

_Betrayal._  
_Traitor._  
_Foe._  
_Impostor._  
_Disgrace._  
_Sinner._

The lines of the words were deep and some blood still poured out of them. They stretched all over your body; from your chest, to your belly and to your back. Even the black marking you previously thought was only located around your neck spread itself till your shoulders and back. If looked like a black sun had fixated itself on you with wide beams of dark sunshine all over you.  
"Your back..." the blond girl whispered making you turn around. It strained your powers to twist your body and head to try and catch a glimpse at your back. And after you did you regretted it deeply. A hole was carved in the flesh between your shoulder blades and went down your spine. It reached so deep that you thought you could see the bones of your spinal column peeking through. It made you sick only to look at it. No wonder it had hurt so much when you were laid on your back before.  
"I'm calling Vaggie. Don't move." and with these words Charlie sprinted out of the bathroom, leaving you and your thoughts that ran wild alone. What happened? Who did that? Why you? Why did that happen? Why? With shaking fingers you touched the edge of the wound and hissed as the pain shot through you. What happened to you? Who? Why? You just stood there paralyzed and starred at yourself in the mirror while you could hear Charlie's distant yells for Vaggie. You pulled your hand back suddenly and frowned at the blood that coated your fingers. Looking up again you saw the blood flowing out of the wound. Could you die of blood loss even though you are already in hell? Could you die twice? Where would you go?! Black dots began to dull your eyes. You gripped the sink in front of you with shaking hands and heavy breathes, trying to stabilize yourself.  
Wha- who ... why?  
No answers to find. Your mind was blank and dark and silent. The hole in your thoughts, the darkness was overwhelming. It pushed you down, held you down and laughed at you. Could not even remember who did something so cruel to you. Could not even remember your own name.

_"Betrayal. Traitor. Foe. Impostor. Disgrace. Sinner."_

Were you really such a disgrace? Were you so bad? Why did you not feel evil at all? You could not find any darkness or coldness in your heart only confusion. Confusion and sadness.  
Taking in some deep breaths you tried to control your racing thoughts, tried to gain the control over your body back. But your vision became even more blurry and before you could react and take a seat, you fainted, again.

_________________________________

When Charlie had found you unconscious on the floor she was confused. She and Angel had found you lying in the garden of the hotel, bruised and bloody and stiff. They did not know you.  
"Probably a new demon" Angel had said disinterested. Charlie had agreed even though it was unusual for a new demon to land on the edge where the hotel is located. There was no specified arrival area but normally demons form near the center of the city. In all her years Charlie hadn't experienced a demon forming on the property of the hotel or near it. But maybe it was a sign? Maybe it meant that this demon would want to rehabilitate? Inspecting you further she noticed the state you were in. It was true, sometimes demons still had markings of their wounds when they form in hell but never had she seen a demon with still bleeding wounds all over their body. To be fair Charlie had thought you were dead. Too weak to stay in hell. Unusual for a new demon but it sometimes happened that the soul was far to damaged to create a new body for itself. But then she saw you move. She sighted in relief: "Hey, I think she is waking up."  
"You sure? She looks pretty dead to me," had Angel said with distance in his voice.  
"No, look! Her hands moved."  
"Oh my, she's alive!"  
Charlie had given him an angered stare but he chose to ignore it. They waited for you to wake up but you stayed unconscious. Your body had only twitched slightly every few seconds as if you were plagued by nightmares you could not wake up from.

But now your body is stiff and lifeless on the bathroom floor. When Charlie had found you unconscious on the floor she was worried sick and terrified. Vaggie had to calm her down while dragging your half naked form to the bed to treat your wounds. The other residents of the hotel seemed rather curious and wanted to find out what happened but Vaggie locked the door to your for now room shut. Saving you from all the hungry and judging eyes that belonged to the demons you had met before. Charlie, now calmed down, helped Vaggie with cleaning the cuts and the big wound on your back which had to be stitched together. Unfortunately, the words carved into your skin were far too deep to completely heal and would still be visible even after your body had fully recovered. After the two demons were finished with your wounds they dressed you in the clothes Charlie had brought you earlier so you wouldn't have to look at yourself and be confronted with your condition again when you wake up. They did not want for you to stress yourself even more because in order to heal up you had to relax. Vaggie, covered in some of your blood, left the room to clean herself but not before arguing with the nosy demons still standing in the hallway. After they finally left she took a last glance inside the room. Charlie signaled her to go but she would stay just a few minutes more to make sure you were okay. After the door was closed with a faint click she turned towards your unconscious figure. You stayed out cold even after she had left.


	4. Little Fawn

"Do you think she will wake up soon?"  
Vaggie looked at Charlie who sat with her knees to her chest on one of the sofas in the big entrance hall. She hadn't really moved much after leaving your room. The white haired demon knew what Charlie was thinking, she always worried too much and cared for others. Vaggie could not hinder herself. A small smile appeared on her features as she sat beside her taking one of Charlie's hands in her own.  
"Give her some time, Charlie. Her wounds were extremely serious." But Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about her strange new guest. Falling unconscious that often wasn’t normal. Even though the last time had happened out of shock, or at least that’s what the blond demon thought was the reason. Vaggie, still seated next to her, pushed her hair back and sighted.  
"I know that you worry about her. And I know it's very unusual how she formed in hell but she will make it and she will wake up. Just give her some time. Not only her body is damaged her mind might be as well. Let her rest."  
Charlie looked at Vaggie and finally returned her smile. Nodding her head she answered: "You're right. As always."

_________________________________

Before you even opened your eyes you already knew that you laid in bed again. You knew that you had fainted again. But now you felt more refreshed. Like you hadn't been unconscious the whole time, just asleep. You opened your eyes carefully and slowly. It took some time but they eventually accustomed to the bright light shining through the window. Every inch of your body felt numb but you pushed the blanket away anyway. Your mind was still restless, too many unanswered questions haunted you. You just couldn't stay in bed all day even if your body would have appreciated the time to heal. There was always time to sleep later. For now, you wanted to try and gain some answers if your body allowed you to stand up.  
Sitting on the edge of the bed you paused. Last time you were in that position you had not time to look around. Now, still shaken up and scared but somehow numb to the situation, you could appreciate the cleaned and decorated room. A heavy curtain was pushed open and allowed you to take a glance outside. There were buildings in the background and some trees and other vegetation closer to the hotel. It seemed like they were still able to have gardens in hell. You were surprised. Shaking your head you looked at the room again. Everything was colored in some kind of red shade. The rug to your feet, the dresser next to the door and the door itself. The wallpaper that already came off on some parts and the bed you were still sitting on, too. With the red shirt Charlie had given you, you fitted in very naturally. You glanced at your feet unsure if they could support your weight because you felt pretty weakened. But you still wanted to stand up. So you tried. Clinging to the bed you set one foot on the floor, it felt just slightly unstable so the second one followed right after. Letting go of the mattress you tried to stabilize yourself but immediately after you stood without the support of the bed your legs began to shake. Letting out a faint but sharp yell your knees buckled beneath you. Grabbing the wooden frame of the bed again you caught yourself. With heavy breaths you slid to the floor. Maybe you should have stayed in bed after all. Sighting you came to terms with sitting on the ground forever since you were far too weak to pull yourself up. But before you could decide to just sleep on the soft rug, some rhythmical knocks on the door to your room were audible. A hoarse "Yeah" came out of your mouth before you could identify the strange feeling that washed over you. Just as the door handle was pushed down you recognized the buzzing in your head as the static you felt while meeting the demons earlier, Alastor's static.

"Well, hello there, dear" he said after entering and looking you up and down. Well, more down than up since you were still seated on the floor.  
"Hello to you too?" again your greeting sounded more like a question. You just did not know how you should interact with these demons. They seemed friendly, for the most part, but there must be a reason why they are in hell. You had to be here because of some reason too, it just was yet to be discovered.  
"I've heard your little scream and thought you might need help," tilting his head slightly he waited. He knew of course what your problem was but you knew he wouldn't act on it before you would ask him for help. And since you did not want to sit there forever and be starred at by Alastor you sighed.  
"Could you please help me up?"  
His bright eyes seemed to shine even more and his smile stretched even farther over his cheeks after you had asked him. His tone sounded even a little more exited and full with static.  
"Of course dear, what demon would I be if I was not helping a fair lady in need?"  
_"A normal demon perhaps?"_ you thought but bit your tongue. No need to make enemies on your first -was it your first?- day in hell.  
Alastor stood before you in the blink of an eye and hoisted you up effortlessly. With still shaking legs you hold on to him for dear life -well afterlife- since you did not want to fall again. It took you a few moments but after a while your legs seemed to calm down. Still unsure if you could support yourself you let your hold on Alastor's arm be.  
"So, my quivering leaf, where do you want to head?"  
Looking up at the much bigger, red haired demon you noticed the strange stare he gave you. His thin pupils were fixated on your neck. You arched one eyebrow at him before remembering the black markings on you. Insecure you laid your free hand over your neck and broke the almost eye contact with him. Gazing at the floor you responded with a small voice: "Downstairs, please."  
"Downstairs we go!" he announced enthusiastically and began to walk, towing you with him. The stairs were still scary to you and your trembling feet but with Alastor's help you managed them without falling down at the end this time. But to be honest you did not think your actions through. Now standing in the big entrance hall like an idiot you had no idea what to do next. You wanted answers but you did not want to ask Alastor your questions. You got an unsettling feeling and a cold shiver ran down your spin whenever he was near you. To be fair, you were confronted with him only twice so far. But he was still very disturbing with his tall thin frame, sharp teeth and blood-red eyes that followed your every move. Looking up again you could confirm your last statement. He opened his mouth to speak but was luckily interrupted by Charlie who came running out of a room and straight towards you with a happy and loud squeal coming out of her mouth.  
"You're awake!" she almost screeched into your ear. Grabbing your arm she tore you away from the red demon and hugged you instead. Caught off guard you let it endure. It somehow felt very nice to be hugged by Charlie. Her warm aura seemed to jump over to you and made you smile a little. But before you knew it the hug ended and Charlie held herself a few inches in front of you.  
"How are you feeling? Having any pain? Could you rest a little at least? You were out quite a while. Do the stitches hurt? Or your cuts?"  
Overwhelmed you tried to bring Charlie to calm down while still feeling the presence of Alastor behind you. After the blond demon finally finished her wave of questions you could breathe through a little before answering her.  
"Yeah, I feel fine, I think. Still a little shaken up but it's ... manageable."  
You forced a smile on your lips to support your statement and to prevent Charlie from worrying over you even more even if it was sweet of her.  
"How long was I out exactly?" you asked after you were sure the blond girl who still held your arms was appeased.  
"Oh not that long, don't worry, just the last few hours of light yesterday and the night. We wanted you to have some rest so we did not disturb you."  
Nodding appreciably you smiled at her. But this time it was real. So, it wasn't your first day here in hell but the second one: Duly noted.  
"No come with me. You must be starving."  
Before you could protest you were dragged into the room Charlie had come from. The presence of Alastor never leaving you as well as the static that began to fill your ears again, making you feel dizzy and disoriented. You were so distracted from the constant ringing that you weren't aware where Charlie had brought you to. Suddenly you sat on a stool next to Vaggie. She gave you a brief smile and you noticed that you were in a dining area with another door on the opposite side to the one you just came through. It probably led to the kitchen.  
Finally Alastor's presence left your side to sit on the other side of the table. Even though you did not look up you could still feel his eyes on you. Honestly, everyone's eyes laid on you.  
"Here, enjoy your meal!" said Charlie in a cheerful tone and gave you a plate full of ... something.  
"It tastes better than it looks," Vaggie whispered to you before eating her food herself. You weren't convinced at all but not wanting to be rude you tried the food anyway. Surprisingly, it tasted bad.  
"But better than I would have expected," you thought to yourself. But Charlie had been right: you were starving. Your body demanded something to eat, something to digest and gain energy from, so you gave in. After a few bites the taste began to get better or maybe it was just your imagination trying to convince you to eat the food. And eating it you did. Well, not every last bite of it but most of it. While you were eating you glanced to your right to see Niffty sitting next to you. She gave you a big goofy smile which you tried to return. Unexpectedly the small demon stayed silent after that. You were grateful for that.

After everyone finished their meal you wanted to help Charlie and Vaggie with cleaning the dishes but the blond demon ordered you to stay put. Not in a demanding way but you did not want to test her so you just obeyed. To be honest you felt rather uncomfortable after the two girls left. Finally daring to look up you saw that everyone really was staring at you. Well, all except Angel Dust. Looking at the cat demon the spider opened its mouth but before any words could exit Husk spoke up.  
"Fuck off." Angel seemed slightly offended but brushed it off.  
After that it got silent again. Your nerves were blank. The demons looked at you -Angel Dust now too- like you were their dessert. Hoping that wasn't true and only your wild imagination again you tapped a nervous rhythm on the table. If you had to run you would die. Even after the meal you ate you did not feel any better. Your legs began to shake again when you thought about running away.  
"So, my dear, since you are now strengthened I think you should answer some of our questions"  
You flinched, caught off guard by Alastor's scratchy voice. Raising one eyebrow at him again you dared to make eye contact with the red demon, now for real. What questions would they possibly have? You were the one utterly confused here. Waiting for Alastor to speak up again you didn't even notice Vaggie and Charlie entering the room again. They stayed near the kitchen door and watched over the situation. Charlie seemed worried but didn’t intervene. She was also curious about some answers from you, while the white haired demon just kept an eye on Alastor.  
"What did you do, dear?"  
What did you do? You did nothing since you arrived in hell. Or did he mean how you ended up here?  
"I, ehm ... I don't know," you stuttered helplessly while the static began to fill your ears once more. It made you feel dizzy.  
"Hmm, not necessarily uncommon for a new demon," he spoke while putting his chin on one hand. A new demon? Now you were even more confused. Were you a demon?  
"Say, my dear, how did you get those wounds? Normally they heal when a demon forms in hell for the first time."  
Did you imagine it or could you hear some kind of cold, calculating undertone in his happy voice? Risking once more a glance at him you only saw his big smile widened even more. Suddenly he stood up and slowly made his way over to you. Immediately your body grew tense and you stopped drumming your fingers against the table.  
"I can't remember," you breathed anxiously while your eyes were glued to the tall demon’s frame who came up to you with slow steps. Your body was frozen as he came to stand behind you.  
"Let us try an easy question," he said as he put his hands on your shoulders.  
**"What is your name?"**  
You didn't even dare to breathe now, too afraid of the demon behind you. His sharp claws barely touched you but it was enough to make you crazed with worry. You could already feel the tears forming in your eyes again.

 _"Not now. Not now. Not now..."_ you thought desperately.

Unable to form any words and not wanting your voice to break you just shook your head. You did not know. You did not know anything. How you ended up in hell, who would have done this to you, how you died. You didn't even know your own name anymore.  
The buzzing in your head grew louder and louder the longer the red demon stood behind you. You felt like you were losing your orientation bit by bit. Were you even still sitting on the stool? Were you even awake? Maybe you blacked out again. But why would the numbing static not go away than?  
"Not one answer in your pretty little head to find?"  
Who was the one talking? Were they talking to you? Why did they sound so familiar? Where were you?  
Your body began to shake like a thin tree in a raging rainstorm. A terrifying darkness crawled towards you from the edges of your field of vision. Shallowing you, or trying to at least. Your head grew heavy, far too heavy for your sore neck. Dropping slightly forward you were caught by two hands on your shoulders. Their sharp nails dug into the fabric of your shirt. Holding your head up with your hands you bit your tongue.

_"Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry."_

A headache began to pound against your skull, demanded to be let in while your quivering limbs became as heavy as your head. No time, no possibilities to defend yourself. Someone whispered something in your ear but you couldn't make out the sounds. Maybe they weren't even whispering and you just couldn't hear them because of the buzzing in your ears. Was it buzzing or just your blood running through your veins?  
"Please..." you didn't know if you said it out loud or not but was there even a difference? "Please stop." You couldn't breathe. Your mouth was dry. Why did nobody help you?

"That's enough!"

Suddenly you had the control over your body back. The hands on your shoulders left you as well as the constant ringing. Confused you lifted your head and looked behind you. Alastor still stood there but his attention no longer lingered on you. Vaggie held a sharp spear to his throat and had a furious glare in her eyes that was directed at the red demon. His smile was still present but slightly irritated. You could feel the anger spreading from both of them.  
"Whatever you just did: Stop it" Vaggie’s voice was full of rage, her right eye twitched noticeably.  
"Oh, I did nothing. No need to worry or threaten me with a spear. Our forgetful guest just seems a bit distressed" he glanced to his side, locking eyes with you. Immediately you could feel that unsettling atmosphere again. Shallowing hard you tried to free yourself from it. The silence was deafening, maybe even more than Alastor's static. You just had to escape this situation as fast as possible even if you didn't get to ask your questions.  
"I think I should head back to my room, if you don't mind" you said your voice still as shaky as the rest of your body. Trying to stand up you held on the chair tightly. You did not know if you could walk all the way back on your own but you also did not want to ask anyone for help.  
_"This is hell. Don't expect too much"_ you thought to yourself as you made your way to the door. Your steps were wobbly, your whole body seemed to burn. You couldn't even reach the doorframe before you tripped. No sound escaped your lips as you fell. But only for a split second because before you even noticed you were about to hit the ground, two arms grabbed and supported you.  
"My, my still as weak as a freshly born fawn."  
How? How did Alastor catch you when you just passed him? You did not react to his taunting pitch of voice, the only thought in your head was to get away. Away from all of them. Away from this situation. But you didn't have the strength to push yourself up even when you were supported by the red demon. Mostly limp you stayed only half upright until Alastor decided to help you up completely. Both of his hands on your shoulder he directed you to the door you had tried so desperately to reach.  
"Come now, little fawn, I'm escorting you to your room."  
And before you or any of the demons still seated on the table could protest you were already dragged out of the room.

The walk to your room was completely silent except for the constant humming coming from Alastor. He probably didn't even do it consciously. It just seemed to radiate from his being naturally. He reminded you of an old radio. Which made you wonder how you knew what that sounded like but your own name remained a mystery.  
You were only halfway up the stairs when your legs began to give up beneath you. You had to pause and hold onto the railing of the staircase. Irritated Alastor came to a halt beside you his hands still gripping your shoulders tightly. Breathing heavily in and out you tried to get rid of the nauseas feeling building up in your stomach.

_"Relax. You can do it. Just relax."_

Why couldn't you just function the way you wanted to? Why did you have to be so dependent right now? How badly were you injured for such side effects to still be present?  
"Can we go on?" Alastor asked. You weren't sure if you could hear something like anger or just concern out of his voice or not but you weren't sure of anything right now. You nodded: "Yes, let's go on."  
The two of you began to walk again, the sick feeling still aching in your stomach. Maybe you shouldn't have eaten that food after all. You felt even more exhausted now. But maybe the reason for that was that strange hallucination you had before. Alastor's touch couldn't have been the trigger for it even though you were so sure about that when you had turned around in that chair to lock eyes with him. Now his hands where on your shoulders again and you felt ... nothing. His voice was loud and clear, no buzzing numbing your head or heavy limps dragging you down. To say you were confused would have been an understatement.

"Now, little fawn, we're here."  
Looking up you could confirm Alastor's words. He opened the door to your room and guided you to the bed. Sighing you sat down. Not wanting to incur his wrath you thanked him. They all were demons after all. Why were you so relatively chill with everything happening again?  
"Thank you for taking me back to my room. You didn't have to" trying to let your voice sound confident failed miserably. You not only shivered like a little fawn you also sounded like a scared one. Alastor's smile widened a little more, his head tilted slightly as he looked down on you.  
"It was a pleasure. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything."  
The tall demon waltzed towards the door and began to close it but paused. Glancing back at you his eyes narrowed. "Now rest for a bit, little fawn" he spoke and then closed the door.  
A cold shiver ran down your spine after he left. Maybe it was your imagination again or the buzzing in your head that had returned but you could have sworn it did not sound like an advice. It sounded more like a threat.


	5. Clouded Mind

You tried to sleep, you really did but even though your body was exhausted you just couldn't get your mind to rest. Your thoughts ran wild while you tossed and turned in bed, no position seemed to be comfortable. Frustrated you ran your fingers through your short hair and puffed out a breath of air. How could you sleep when you knew you were in hell and that the only thing on your mind was ... and the only thing you could remember.  
You are dead. Somehow you died. Or were you killed? Did you kill somebody?!  
Suppressing a distressed scream you sat up. You had to have done something to end up in hell. Just what could it be? Frustrated you put your head in your hands, slightly tugging at the ends of your hair.  
Maybe you should ask Charlie what plausible reasons were for a individual to go to hell. But you had no idea where she could be at the moment and you could barely walk. Of course, you could ask Alastor for help. He told you to not hesitate if you needed anything but you really didn't want to be confronted with him again. And of course you didn't know where he was either. So you just had to take it slow and try to find Charlie on your own. Standing up you paused for a second. You enjoyed the soft fabric of the rug beneath your bare feet and the only faint shaking of your legs. You could do it.

_"Just take it slow."_

The walk to the door and through it was easy. But after that you were lost. Should you stay on this level? Or should you go downstairs? Or upstairs? You glanced towards the staircase. You had no idea.

 _"Great"_ you muttered. _"Just decide something, it doesn't matter."_

Since you didn't know what room Charlie's was you came to the conclusion that the only rational thing to do was to go downstairs and hope she was there. You really didn't want to knock on every door of the house. That would take you ages.  
One step at a time you headed down to the entrance hall. It took you a while but you were glad you didn't trip. You felt like you had climbed a mountain after you stood at the end of the staircase. You couldn't suppress the soft chuckle escaping your lips as you celebrated your small victory. You weren't that dependent, you could still manage things on your own! Still supporting yourself with the railing of the stairs you looked around. No soul to be found, the gigantic hall was abandoned.

_"Great..."_

There you stood, no idea what you should do next. You really wanted to have some answers. You couldn't rest before you got them. Your eyes drifted to the entrance door. Only one glance? You would just open the door a bit, take a look and close it after that. Just so you would know something about all that was going on. See the world, see the hell you now had to live in. Just one glance.

_"What would be the problem?"_

Nodding you agreed with the voice in your head. What would be the problem? You would be gone before anyone could notice what you were doing anyway. At least that's what you told yourself and the worry in the back of your mind. Slowly you sneaked forward. Of course not because you were a little frightened, you just didn't want your legs to buckle under you half way there. Not that you were frightened! You weren't.  
You dragged yourself to the door while clinging to the wall. For now you hadn't enough confidence in yourself to take the short route through the middle of the room so the wall had to be your support. That meant that it took you a while to get to the door but you reached it eventually. Now standing in front of the beautiful designed door you weren't sure anymore. You had looked out of the window in your room briefly so you knew a little about what expected you but you weren't able to really see that much. What if you wouldn't like what you saw? To be fair you didn't like anything that happened since you ended up in hell. You were still wondering why you seemed so chill about all of it. Was there even anything to like in hell? Of course, Charlie and Vaggie were rather nice to you. You didn't know Angel Dust and Husk that well so you couldn't from an opinion on them quite yet. And Niffty seemed kind of exhausting and was ... something else for sure but she still was rather nice to you in her own way. And she definitely was not as scary as Alastor. He gave you the creeps. Just the thought of him made goosebumps cover your arms and a cold shiver ran down your back. What if every other demon was like him? Scary like he was? Thinking about that made your heart beat faster out of fear. Maybe you should just go back to bed but that would also mean you had gained no answers after all and the painfully long way to the door was for nothing. You had to look out of the door. You had to do it for yourself so the energy you had spent wasn't for nothing. Nodding to yourself again you grabbed the handle of the door. It felt unusually cold to the touch. Everything else you had laid fingers on was always hot or at least slightly warm. Or maybe it was warm and just felt cold compared to everything else. Either way it was a welcome surprise. The door made a clicking sound as you twisted the handle and it opened gracefully without any resistance. Holding your breath you opened your eyes. You weren't even aware that you had closed them out of nervousness in the first place.

The first thing you noticed was that everything was tinted red. Red sky, red lights, red buildings.  
The second thing you noticed were the buildings. Some looked very normal but some were designed to look like monsters with mouths and a sinister glare. You gulped.  
The third thing you noticed were the demons on the streets. Sharks, wolfs, birds. Some more humanoid than others. But one characteristic almost everyone shared were the sharp teeth and claws.

You had thought one glance outside wouldn't hurt. You had thought nobody would notice you anyway. But as soon as you had stuck your head only a few inches out the demons turned towards you. Frozen in place your eyes widened in fear and your heart beat even faster than before. It was as if they had smelled a strange scent all at once and it lulled them in. Like the first spring breeze after a hard, cold winter had lured them out of their houses to look at the first flowers of the year. But you were not a flower on their yard you were weed they wanted to remove.  
Maybe you did smell different compared to the demons? Or were you a demon? You certainly didn't look like one but the others had addressed you as one previously. Anyway, something had to have caught the attention of all the demons on the street. And no doubt you were their new person of interest. Or their prey? You instantly felt very uneasy and uncomfortable. Observing the stares of the demons you could confirm your worries. They had found their prey and their prey was you.

_"Run. Run. Run. Escape, now!"_

But you couldn't move, not even blink. You were frozen, petrified, thunderstruck.

_"Move. Run. Now!"_

You wanted to scream for help as the demons began to walk towards you. You wanted to yell for anyone to save you out of this situation right now. But the only sound that left your throat was a dry cry. That was it. How went that saying? Curiosity killed the cat. And you absolutely were the cat. Your heart sank.  
"Help..." you croaked out finally. And low and behold, someone had heard your silent pleads at last. A clawed hand had grabbed the fabric on your back and pulled you back, closing the door in the same motion. It took you a while but eventually you registered that you were safe ... for now. The door was closed, the demons locked outside. And the second you realized that your body began to shake uncontrollably.

_"Safe. You're safe. Calm down."_

Something cold ran over your cheek and as you touched it you noticed that your body shook so much because of some silent tears that had found their way out of your eyes. You brushed them away. You tried to take in some deep breaths to calm yourself down. And after you had managed that somewhat successfully you became aware of the buzzing radiating behind you. Stiffening instantly you didn't dare to turn around. You couldn't face him, you would break down. You were surprised that you were still standing. Without support you might add.  
"So", his voice sounded sharp and cold. "What exactly were you trying to achieve, dear?"  
His taunting tone cut through you, made you flinch and your stomach flip in uneasiness. Still shaking you tried to form words but nothing came out. You were far to rattled. So many demons and you weren't a part of them. You were weak. And a weakling in hell was free prey for everyone. You were doomed. You couldn't speak.  
But Alastor wouldn't let you go until he had an answer. His hands hovered over you, they made you even more nervous. Then finally he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him.  
"Well?" he glared at you, calculating and without any emotions in his eyes. Or at least you weren't able to detect any.  
"I-I ehm I" you stammered before a new wave of confidence washed over you. Why were you afraid? You already were dead. You would end up dead as someone's prey eventually. You apparently were also a demon. And you were confused and disoriented and entitled for some answers.  
"I want answers" you demanded, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in the back of your mind which screamed at you to shut your mouth. Alastor seemed surprised by your demand but not necessarily angry. Or at least you hoped that. What were you doing again? Ah yeah, challenging a demon far more powerful than you.

"What is happening here? Where am I? What is this place? Where is Charlie? I need ... I want to talk to her. What am I?!"  
You didn't even notice that you were screaming by the end, so lost in your anxiety and fears. What were you? What were you? What were you doing!? You were yelling at the tall, red demon whose mere presence made you dizzy with fear. His sick smile seemed even more twisted now. But still you couldn't detect any anger. Maybe he just was very good at hiding it or he really was just amused by you. Some low chuckles escaped his still smiling mouth as he let go of your shoulders.  
"You have nerves, little fawn." Tilting his head he stared at you for a moment before talking again: "But watch your tone with me."  
You sucked in the air. Afraid of what would happen next. Would he kill you, would you die ... again? Why did you have to sound so demanding? Why did you have to open up your mouth? Why-

"So, let's go and search for Charlie now, dear!" Alastor explained, took your arm and dragged you with him. You were startled, shocked even. His demeanor had completely changed. From sinister and dark to cheerful and carefree in a second. You were so stunned you weren't able to form any words. Letting yourself be pulled towards wherever Alastor was going you were just thankful that you weren't choking up blood on the carpet right now. You were thankful that you weren’t dead. From now on you had to remember to hold your tongue. Maybe everything went well this time but next time things could end very differently for you.  
Alastor didn't even need to search for Charlie. He walked straightaway to a door next to the staircase and knocked.  
A soft "Yeah?" was all you could hear before the red demon open the door forcefully. Inside was a heavy looking wooden desk, some high bookshelves on the walls and many, many papers littered all over. Charlie sat on a chair behind the table, illuminated by the light shining through the window behind her. She glanced up from her work, confusion written on her face.  
"Charlie! This little snooper was looking for you", Alastor declared and pushed you forward, putting you on display as a result. Uncomfortable you waved at the blond demon, not sure what else you should do. Her eyes lit up and a big smile stretched over her features as she returned the greeting.  
"Well, here I am. I hope you feel better now?"  
You answered her with an unsure nod. The adrenaline that held you up on your feet slowly lessened, making you shake in exhaustion again. But you refused to ask for a seat so you gritted your teeth and stayed put. You could do it. Don't show too much weakness. You weren't prey.  
"I wanted to ask you some questions if I may?"  
"Of course! Ask away."  
Arching one eyebrow you stayed silent. Waiting for Alastor to leave the room and give the blond demon and you some privacy. But he stayed behind you, immovable like a massive mountain. He wouldn't leave, would he? After you now finally found Charlie, Alastor would still hear all your questions. Something you had tried to prevent all this time. Excellent, just great.

"Ehm, okay" you finally said. There wasn't a point in staying silent when Alastor wouldn't ever leave and Charlie wouldn't ask him to go. And you definitely won't do it.  
"I ... I'm just so confused. I can't remember anything. I can't remember why I ended up here. I can't even remember my own name. I just want to know if ... you know anything about me?"  
Helpless you shrugged your shoulders. How should you say it? You would be grateful for any information Charlie could provide.  
Her smile formed into a sad one. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you. But amnesia isn't uncommon. It probably will only last a few days and then everything should come back bit by bit."  
Again you only nodded.  
"Well, can you at least give me a few reasons why someone would end up in hell?"  
After nobody opened their mouths for a while you added: "I know some serious causes like ... killing someone. But I don't think I would ever do that. I wouldn't be capable to do something like that ... I-I think?"  
You felt so helpless. You felt so useless. You felt so out of place. Had you really done something so severe that it would justify sending you to hell? Maybe someone just made a mistake? Or you really did something so bad. Something you now thought was impossible because you didn't know who you were.  
"Ehm, there are many causes. I can't list all of them. Some are mature and others seem not that severe. Like excessive lying, or fraud? But if you regret such actions while still being alive you won't end up in hell ... or not necessarily."  
Silence. What could be said? What should you think? Somehow you felt angry. You were angry with yourself, or with your past self. You were angry that your past self didn't regret. That **you** apparently didn't regret **your** past actions.

"I know this might be rather personal but you seem pretty nice ... what did you do to end up in hell?" you asked after you couldn't bare the silence and your raging thoughts anymore. Charlie really was very friendly and seemed to genially want to help you recover. So what could her reason be? Didn't she regret something minor in her past, too? Luckily she didn't look offended by your question. You were relieved.  
"Ehm, I never was alive. I was born here in hell" the blond girl shrugged and smiled a little unsure.  
"Oh, I'm ... sorry for askin-" you started but got interrupted by Charlie.  
"No, it's fine. Don't worry."

Suddenly you could feel Alastor's static buzzing in your head again, far more aggressive than before. Turning around by instinct you regretted it the moment you locked eyes with him. A dark aura radiated from his being, almost visible it hung in the air. His grin was stretched until it almost touched his eyes which glared at you with a provoking look. He dared you to ask what his reason was. Oh, he dared you to. You could almost hear his voice: _"Come on, little fawn, ask. Ask me."_  
What would be the most terrifying and sadistic thing you could think of? Murder. Alastor had to be a former murderer from his days alive you couldn’t think anything else would be dark enough for him. His sinister aura, his fake smile that so often shifted into a sadistic one, his dominance. He thought he was the superior one in the room. And he most probably was. That thought made you so nervous and anxious your knees almost buckled. No, you had to stay strong. Don't fall, don't break, don't show weakness in front of him or he will tear you apart. He will make you his next victim.

"Do I even want to know your reason?"  
Why did you sound so arrogant? Why did you sound like you were the one in control? Oh, you weren't. You lost all control since you arrived in hell. And now you challenged the most terrifying demon you met so far. From what you could see on the street ... he really held that title for now. And didn't you tell yourself earlier you would hold your tongue? That didn't last long.  
The tall demon chuckled. You could hear the laughter of an invisible audience again. Were you going crazy?  
"Oh, my dear" he belittled you, still laughing to himself darkly.  
"Just think about the most evil reasons you can imagine."  
He made a step forward, towards you. Tilting his head he summoned a vintage looking microphone out of nowhere and leaned on it, he towered over you. A cold shiver ran down your spine, your wounds began to sting as you stopped breathing. You couldn't tell were your will to hold eye contact with Alastor came from but you wished you would just run.  
"And that might not be enough if you really are that innocent."

Not able to suppress the irritated glare you just looked away. You did not want to challenge him anymore than you already had.  
_"I really am that innocent, am I not?"_ you wondered while staring at the floor.  
"Oh, don't be ashamed little one" Alastor took your chin in his hand, squeezed slightly and made you look at him again. "Nothing wrong with being a little innocent."

 _"Liar"_ you thought. You hadn't been able to read him before but now you could see right through him. Being innocent was a disadvantage in hell. It made you weak. And Alastor knew that very well which made you sick. He was still chuckling and he kept chuckling even after you tore yourself away from him and his grip. Unfortunately, that just made you stumble and almost trip hadn't Alastor caught your wrist and pulled you towards him. Stabilizing yourself you tried to get away from him, this time slowly but he wouldn't let go of you. Gritting your teeth you stopped struggling. No use in making him angry.  
"Maybe you should go rest and sleep for a little while again" Charlie said with the slightest hint of worry in her voice as she looked at you. You, still being held by the wrist, nodded.  
"But I have so many more questions" you started "Can I ask you them later?"  
Charlie smiled and nodded: "I will come looking after you and if you are awake you can ask me anything."  
Relieved you smiled back at the blond girl and thanked her before you were dragged out of the room by Alastor. Was he your personal caretaker now? You hoped not.  
After he closed the door to Charlie's office he turned towards you, looked down at you with a sinister glare.  
"Haven't I told you to come to me if something bothers you, little fawn?" he slowly got closer to your face, grin still present even though in your opinion a frown would have suited the situation better. "Then maybe I wouldn't have had to safe your from your little downfall earlier. You know, not all demons are as nice as Charlie or me."  
Was he serious? You didn't know how you should feel but appreciation wasn't part of the emotional mixture inside of you right now.

"Maybe you didn't notice it but I can barely walk and have no clue what your room in this gigantic house is" you told him in a false sense of dominance. You freed yourself from Alastor, this time without almost falling and made your way to the staircase. You had to get away, get away fast. You didn't look back, not wanting to see his face. Your heart began to sink already, the fear inside of you almost paralyzed you but you went on. Just flee, just go.  
Challenging him not once, not twice but for the third time today was probably not your greatest decision but you had to live with it now.

_"Just don't get yourself killed ... again."_


	6. Midnight

Luckily you had found your room after a while without needing any help. And even if you had needed it you wouldn't have gone back down to ask someone for directions. On one hand to uphold at least some of your pride but on the other hand to de-risk running into the crimson demon again. After what you dared to do today you were afraid to face him again. You had no clue what all those demons were capable of and still you challenged one of them with your temper. Were you really trying to get yourself killed? Again? Because challenging Alastor not only sounded like a bad idea, it most certainly was one and would only lead to that result.  
  
When you had finally found the door to your for now room your plan was to wait for Charlie to check in on you so you could ask her your questions. So you sat down on your bed and waited. Your sitting position slowly turned into lying on your back with your legs dangling of the side of the bed. And before you knew it you already had fallen asleep.  
  
  
_________________________________  
  
  


You awoke suddenly as if you had heard a loud sound but when you opened your eyes and sat up the house stayed quiet in the darkness of the night. Confused you rubbed your eyes before fumbling for the switch of the nightstand lamp. The bright light blinded you for a second but you adjusted quickly. Looking around -your thoughts were still rather hazy- you found a note pinned on the lamp next to you.  
  
_"I've came to check on you but you were already asleep. If you wake up before six you can join us in the dining room for dinner. I will leave something in the kitchen for you if wake up later. Oh, yeah this is Charlie"_ it read with a small smiley at the end behind her signed name.  
  
A small smile grazed your lips. Looking at the clock you could definitely forget to dine with them at six ... it was already a while after midnight. But your stomach demanded something to digest so you stood up and made your way downstairs. Opening the door of your room you stayed in the doorframe for a while and listened to the sounds of the house. The wood screeched once in a while and you could faintly make out the sounds of the busy city outside but other than that everything was silent. Closing the door behind you, you tiptoed down the stairs, pausing from time to time when another step creaked a little louder than the others. The sound seemed to echo from the walls so you held your breath and waited for any kind of stir. Only when you made sure nobody had heard you, as absurd as it may sound, you continued with your way. You did not want to run into someone so late at night. To be honest you were a little relieved that you had fallen asleep because it meant you didn't had to face the residents of the building at dinner earlier. You hadn't wanted to face one demon especially because you had no idea how to act after the stunt you pulled off. Gritting your teeth you shook your head. You didn't have any idea how to interact with him- with them in general. But you most certainly had to thank Charlie for leaving you something to eat. You made a mental note to do that when you would see her tomorrow morning. Maybe you could ask her your questions then.  
  
You finally reached the entrance hall. Sighting in relief you released the railing from your death grip. Now you only had to find the dining room. You remembered the way faintly so you slowly sneaked towards the door you thought the room laid behind. Gripping the door knob you paused. Had you just... it was probably your imagination again but... Maybe your clock was wrong? You pressed one ear against the hard wooden door. No, you were certain. You could hear someone in there. Were you at the wrong room? Wrong floor? No. You were sure this was the room Charlie had led you to earlier today, or well yesterday.  
  
You stayed frozen, listening to the sounds from the other side. Maybe Charlie was still up? A slim chance but a hopeful thought that encouraged you to open the door. And before you even realized what you were doing you already stood in the doorframe of the opened door. The dining room was wrapped in darkness. The only light came from the streetlights through the huge, decorated window. Maybe you really had imagined the sounds. Scanning the room you laid eyes on the door to the kitchen. You could make out the faintest drop of light crawling up from the door crack. Somebody was here. You weren't going nuts. Well, not at the moment at least. And against your better judgment you felt your body moving towards it, towards the light. Pausing again right in front of the door you listen to the sounds but couldn't quite make out what it exactly was. Pressing the handle down you slowly opened the door, flooding the other room with light in the progress. With squinted eyes you tried to make out who was there while the sounds began to gain in volume. A strange humming tune.  
  
"Hello?" you had wanted to ask but were only able to say the first syllable before you froze in shock. The humming stopped the second your foot crossed the doorstep and the figure standing behind the counter turned towards you. _'No.'_  
"Well, hello there, little fawn" you were greeted by Alastor's cheery voice. He faced you, neck almost completely turned around so he could see you while the rest of his body was still directed towards the counter. An uneasy feeling filled your chest at the sight of it, of him. That wasn't-you had even thought earlier... why? You shucked in a deep breath. Hadn't you just earlier thought that not attending the dinner at six was a blessing? It seemed like hell really was ... well, hell. Breathing out you could feel your lips shaking slightly. This place was punishing you.  
  
"Hello" you responded out of good manners even though you really wanted to run back to your room. Still frozen in place you mustered the red demon in front of you. He looked the same as earlier today but he was missing his coat and ... was he wearing an apron? Confused your eyebrows narrowed before your eyes once more widen in shock. Wait, was that...  
His grin stretched even more as if he had read your mind. He cocked his head slightly while his glance grew sinister.  
"What are you doing up, my dear?" he asked. His voice sounded cold now, no traces left of the cheerful tone it had before. You gulped nervously and took one step back. He grabbed a towel and began to clean his hands, or rather the gloves he wore. Gloves that were covered in blood. You opened your mouth but you couldn't form any words. You forced yourself to meet Alastor's eyes. Partially because you wanted to stay strong but also because you didn't want to see what else there was, lying on the counter.  
"Charlie said she... since I wasn't present at dinner... She left me a note that she had left me something to eat" you stammered.  
Your eyes were still fixated on his face. _‘Focus, you have to focus. Don't look, you don't want to know.’_ But then he turned around to you fully and you could see the apron was covered in blood as well. It was so red. Everything was always red. Why was blood always following you? You winced quietly when a painful bang suddenly shot through your back and remembered you of your wound, the blood, the pain. One step back. Distance. Blood on your back. Blood on your face. Blood on your hands. You looked at them. Sticky and red. Dried and fresh.  
  
_**'A Sinner's blood.'**_  
  
_**'They deserved it.'**_  
  
_**'Now it’s your blood.'** _  
  
Buzzing. There was buzzing in your head again. One step back. You felt so dizzy, everything was spinning. A humming tune.  
_'What's happening?'_  
You pressed one hand against your forehead. It hurt so much, that buzzing in your head. Squinting your eyes closed you bit your tongue. A burning in your chest. The pain was too much. The fire was spreading. Buzzing. Static. Loud. Pain.  
_'Can't concentrate.'_  
You couldn’t breathe. Someone was choking you. But there was nobody else. Everything was dark. The fire was in your lungs. Couldn’t breathe. Buzzing in your head. Spinning. Spinning out of control. One step back. Darkness around you. Flames engulfing you. Everything was so heavy. Knees weak. One step back. Away.  
  
_**'Traitor.'** _  
  
Harsh words that cut like knifes, drawing blood as red and hot as the fire. They burned themselves into your flesh and memory. Memories.  
  
_**'Betrayal.'** _  
  
Not true, lies. 'I would never!' you screamed into the void. Emptiness. Nothing. Completely alone and left to die. How could they. You always had been loyal to them. The fire was fueled by rage.  
  
_**'Sinner.'** _  
  
Your breath hitched. You were shattered. Brokenhearted. A hole in your chest growing wider and wider. One step back.  
  
_**'You're a sinner, too.'**_

_**'Can’t be trusted.'** _

_**'Not a part.'** _

_**'Not the way.'** _

_**'A sacrifice.'** _

_**'A sign.'**_  
  
Suddenly a loud bang. The sound like the one that had awoken you. And then everything vanished and the void was filled once more.  
Your eyes flickered from one spot to another. Your surroundings were becoming familiar again. You took one step back and hit something. The thing crashed to the floor, a chair, and took you with it. A surprised yelped escaped your lips but before you knew it you already stopped falling. Your chest rose quickly, your ears rang violently. Most of your vision was still tinted black but you could feel the two arms on your shoulders that had caught you. Looking up you saw the glowing eyes of Alastor watching you questioning but also in amusement.  
"Always tripping and falling over. Tell me, dear, why do you fall so often?" With your breath still rather irregular you tried to sort your thoughts but your mind was reigned by chaos.  
"I don't- I don't know."  
Alastor only hummed in response before helping you up. Knees still weak and shaking you desperately grabbed the table to stabilize yourself. Breathing in deeply you also tried to regain some control, some sort of order. But before you could achieve any of those goals you could hear a snap and suddenly the chair you had fallen over was standing on its legs again and you were seated on it. You were confused but far too tired to open your mouth to ask. What had happened? That strange feeling ... it was the same you had felt during lunch yesterday. So disorienting and exhausting but far more violent this time.  
  
"Maybe you really need something to eat" Alastor said which made you realize that he was still standing beside you even though you could barely see him in the dark. Looking up from the table and facing the window you could faintly make out the light coming from his eyes. Red as everything else on him.  
"Yeah-" you croaked before remembering the state of the kitchen. The blood. The thing on the counter. Your body tensed immediately but unfortunately to you Alastor seemed to have noticed.  
"Don't fret, I will gladly get you your share" he spoke now again in his upbeat attitude. You responded with a quite 'Okay' not able to say anything more. Alastor went into the kitchen, leaving you alone in the dim light. But you were somewhat relieved because now you had a few moments to yourself to sort your mind. Though you still couldn't wrap your head around what exactly had happened. You couldn’t figure out what the trigger was. This time it seemed to have been the blood, but for yesterday you had no idea. And what were those thoughts? Visions and hallucinations or old memories? You knew those voices and they knew you. They had to be memories then. Maybe they slowly came back. But you couldn't really say what they meant. They were only snippets, nothing to hold them together. The last time you didn't even hear anything it was only this overwhelming feeling but now you were sure you had heard voices. They were familiar, you were so sure, but you had no face to match them to. The majority of your mind was still lost in the void.  
  
Suddenly the light in the dining room you were sitting in was turned on with a snap. Groaning quietly you blinked a couple of times until your eyes had accustomed to the sudden change.  
"Here is your meal, dear" Alastor declared. You flinched but forced yourself to not turn around. You hadn't even heard him approaching let alone heard him come to a stand behind you. He put down a plate in front of and walked around the table to take a seat opposite to you. You looked up at him and forced a small smile on your lips. If he wanted to kill you for what you did earlier he already would have done so, right? No need to worry.  
"Thank you" you spoke before turning your attention to the food in front of you. You were starving.  
A while the two of you sat there in silence. You were somewhat glad he didn't want to talk to you but the stare he directed towards you made you more and more nervous. You didn't look up but you felt his eyes. His gaze burning into your skin. Burning. A fire. Flames. You shook your head, chasing away the thoughts before they could consume you again. You were halfway done with your meal when Alastor finally spoke up.  
  
"Tell me, dear, what was that incident you had before" it wasn't a question you could refuse to answer, it was a demand. Still chewing the last bit you had put in your mouth you used that time to think about a response. Putting down the utensils and straightening your back you looked up. Still buying some time you mustered the demon in front of you again. He was only wearing his dress pants, shirt and tie, the coat you had always seen him in wasn't there and he had taken off the apron as well. He sat straight in the chair, back pressed against the rest and a huge smile on his lips. His head wasn't directed to you, only his eyes looked down at you. His hands were neatly placed on the table before him, fingers dressed in gloves that thrummed a steady tune. You recognized it. It was the same melody you had heard before. And even though there was no blood left on his hands, not even the tiniest drop that would prove it existence you still felt the presents of it. A dark cloud with the scent of blood that was following the demon.  
  
"I can't really explain it" you then finally began. Gulping down the panic you forced yourself to withstand his gaze.  
"It was strange. I was hearing voices and felt..." you stopped. You weren't even sure yourself what exactly you had felt. The only thing you knew was, that it was- you could no longer meet Alastor's gaze. Looking down at the table you bit your lip.  
"It felt familiar."  
The room was met with silence until you suddenly heard a weird, somewhat technological sound which made you look up in confusion. It took you a second but by the way his shoulders rose you could identify the sound as chuckling. Alastor was chuckling. Now biting your tongue you suppressed any angry outbursts. However, your eyes probably gave away enough to piece together the bubbling heat inside you was growing.  
"Don't be affronted, little fawn, I just find it quite entertaining" he said. Was that supposed to soothe your temper? Bewildered you turned your attention back to your meal.  
"I could see the pain in your eyes, the panic" he continued and sounded almost pleased. Was he really delighted to have witnessed your little outburst? You didn't look up, you couldn't met his gaze again. You felt ashamed. You had been weak and completely helpless and he found it entertaining? Not so far-fetched for a demon to be honest.  
  
"Nothing is more entertaining than sheer, unpredictable panic and failure."  
"I'm glad I was amusing to watch" you spit before you even realized what you were doing. Shocked that you dared to say it so directly targeted at Alastor you bit your tongue again. Your thoughts were racing. You really did have a death wish, didn't you? But since when were you so sarcastic?  
Well, since you began challenging Alastor if he could kill you before you remembered your name. And he definitely could do that any time.  
  
"Don't sulk, dear" he said with his voice still filled with his chuckle but when you dared to glance up you could see his eyes were as sinister as before. The upbeat attitude he always tried to maintain was most certainly in this very moment just a mask he wore to cover something else up. Somehow that scared you more than the direct sinister tone he had used before.  
"A pout doesn't suit you." You gulped.  
  
You finished your meal in silence but you were very aware of Alastor's stare. He was still watching you, mustering you in amusement and possibly hidden anger. When you finished your food you stayed seated on the chair, unsure what to do now. Should you just stand up and leave? But why couldn't you move your body? You were frozen in place and didn't dare to just flee. The panic held you down. He could snap with his fingers and you would be back in a second anyway. And he hadn't dismissed you so he probably still wanted something from you. Nervous you slowly looked up with your hands clenched into fists in your lap. His fingers were thrumming the tune again, an alerting grim melody. Other than that everything was silent. It was making you uncomfortable.  
"What were you doing in the kitchen?" you asked without thinking. Did you really want to know? Know where all that blood came from?  
"Preparing my dinner. You are not the only one who is hungry here" he answered.  
Glad he didn't say more you just nodded. Maybe silence was better than talking to the crimson demon. However, Alastor definitely didn't share the same opinion with you. He opened his mouth but before he spoke up his neck and head turned around to face the door to the entrance hall.  
  
"So the sound was coming from here" a female voice said. Now you also looked towards the door.  
"What are you doing here?" Vaggie asked not really direct at anyone specifically with her arms crossed before her chest. Her gaze flickered back and forth between you and Alastor but she seemed worried when looking at you and suspicious when looking at the other demon.  
"Eating" you stammered. "Charlie left me a note."  
Vaggie nodded in understanding before directing her gaze at Alastor again.  
"I was just keeping our newest guest some company" Alastor spoke in a smug way. You could hear it, he was taunting the white haired girl.  
"Then you probably won't mind cleaning her plate so she can go back to bed, right?" she asked in the same taunting manner.  
"Of course not" Alastor responded happily but his eyes were as dark and grim as before. He stood up and walked towards you. Pulling your chair back he offered his hand to help you up. Confused but not wanting to challenge him even more you accepted.  
"Sleep well, little fawn" he said, took your plate and vanished into the kitchen. A little poleaxed you began to walk towards Vaggie. She stopped you with one hand on your shoulder before you were able to pass by though. With a worried look in her eyes she said: "Are you alright?" You nodded.  
"Can you find your room on your own?" You nodded again.  
"Alright" Vaggie said and let you go. You began your way back but when you reached the stair you heard the white haired girl mutter something under her breath. You didn't dare to stop and turn around to ask her what exactly she had said so you carried on, pretending to not have heard her. But you were sure she had said something that sounded suspiciously like a warning. Or an advice.  
  
"Stay safe."


End file.
